Required Reading

I've taken Seph to School and finished my first cup of coffee. It may be a while before I ride as I need to I wait for the fog to lift in town and especially in the countryside. I don't have much on my to-do list for the weekend, I need a chain for the Flyte since I did the multispeed-ectomy and drop-bar transplant yesterday. Oops, I spoke too soon. I generally don't quote other bloggers but this morning Stevil opens the door to a serious subject. 

And speaking of which, don't forget Cross Vegas is just around the corner, and D Pow! has come through with a report from the fun police, or as they have might been referred to in Germany at one point in history- The Crosstapo;

• No handups or feeding is allowed in a cyclocross race. This includes dollar bills and alcohol. Penalty is disqualification from the race.
• Be prepared with team uniform or team-branded leisure wear for the Awards, no street clothes will be permitted.

Fer Crissakes, no street clothes? How about a Showgirl Costume with headdress? Good luck with enforcing the hand-up rule. I sure hope they don't expect this level of seriousness in Sun Prairie.

"...Eventually we all departed from the debacle in the convention center and made our way to the Cross Vegas cross race. I'll spare you the ugly details, but apparently during a heated exchange with a ruggedly handsome and well dressed, albeit slack-jawed fan, race promoter Chris Grealish wildly lashed out at the sight of dollar premes being given declaring that "real pros do not take handups", based on Nat Ross's world class beer feed last year which ultimately led him to being banned from this year's competition; ...

...When presenting the offender his business card so that a post race debate could ensue, the ner-do-well stated "ohh... you're Chris ?!"

"Yeah, who the fu#k did you think I was?" Mr. Grealish blurted..
"Uh.. I dont know.. Some douchebag security guard I guess" was the response, which led to the early heart attack candidate having to walk away and take a time out, sitting alone on the hillside to collect his bearings.

Regardless of last year's beer feed zone being turned into an off-limits VIP area, there were still highjinx that abounded, some of which resulted in police intervention, and even for a few, rides home in the backs of cop cars.(Yeah, yeah. There were some total amateurs, who, as it turns out totally blew it. I am not including those fools in our ranks.)

So, the lesson here I guess is that Cross Vegas is just like Belgium (with the exception of the fans interaction with the participants, and the small matter of geographic location), that this race is every bit as important as The Worlds (regardless of the antagonist's claim that its just a B.S. exhibition race, and then offering this comparison-"if you stick a corsage in a pile of crap, it still doesn't make it a tuxedo"), and that cross racing is the world's most serious athletic pursuit which if tainted by the fervor of its most passionate fans will assuredly result in the earth spinning off of its axis.

I mean really, did you expect your "card" to have a positive effect on the situation?

 Last year was my first full 'cross season since the early 1990's I had no expectations and my only goal was to have fun. With the exception of the Sun Prairie race I filled the much desired position of DFL and managed to have plenty of actual fun. Maybe Stevil et al have misunderstood the intent of the Crosstapo. As evidenced by Jerry attempting to retrieve the dolla bill from Katie's boobs (see above), perhaps the Belgians are more conservative than I thought? It could also be since the Euro switch they're not willing to use an inferior monetary unit. Does the Euro even come in paper form or did the EU make the mistake of having Euros minted in coin form and they've fallen into the chasm that is the US Dollar Coins of Susan B Anthony and Sacagawea. 

In any case, I'll be willing to suck it up for a weekend for the tools at UCI. What have I got to worry about anyway? I'll be gunning for DFL each race so I realistically don't need "team-branded leisure wear."

I imagine the podium looking like this if I had my way...

2nd place keeping it MetalThe way around the rules might be to affix "coupons" to the riders. Here we have Maurice with a potential Prime Coupon at this year's NAHMBS. 

I should go ride now, the fog is moving from the roads inside my head...